


星気の

by osawa



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Astral Projection, Cheating, Death, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Psychic Abilities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:53:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23201248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osawa/pseuds/osawa
Summary: Keigo had a psychic dream that triggered his childhood trauma. He did whatever he could to prevent it from happening, but there are some things that people can't control.
Relationships: Kono Junki/Sato Keigo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. 1

Just what in the world was that? Keigo slowly opened his eyes realizing that it was just a dream. His body was covered in cold sweat and his breathing was fast. He looked around his room, observing his surroundings which caused him to realize the situation he was in.

"Fuck" he mumbled as he stood up and remained sat on the bed. So many thoughts were going through his head, but he was sure that this time he will manage to avoid whatever was set to happen. He went to get ready for work, but the images he saw last night couldn't leave him. He couldn't concentrate and he felt the anxiety build in.. Breathe in, breathe out.. His attempts to calm down were all unsuccessful. He reached out to his phone and dialed one of his friends. The time it took until his friend took the call felt like an eternity. 

"What's up?" a muffled voice could be heard.

"I had another one.. of those dreams you know.." Keigo answered while trying to be as calm as possible.

"What was it?"

"You see I.. I was just..." Keigo kept choking on his own words. Finishing the sentence didn't feel like an achievable goal, but he managed to do it with a whisper. "I kissed a guy."..

A laugh could be heard from the other side of the line.

"The universe really wants to cure your homophobia, huh?"

"I didn't call you just to hear you clown me, Ruki. I need help, I can't let it happen."

"Well, what happened last time you tried avoiding a psychic dream manifestation?"

"Please just don't remind me.. I have to find a way, I really can't let it happen. I need your help."

..

Keigo's voice was so desperate. He really didn't want to kiss a guy and with every passing second he kept losing a little bit of hope. He just had that feeling in his gut that things won't go his way.

The workday felt like an eternity. Keigo was super cautious and anxious. He couldn't focus at all on his work, because he kept replaying the scene in his head. The face was so vivid, but he had never seen it. Luckily, he didn't kiss anyone until the end of the workday. It was already 3PM when he decided to leave for the day.

It was Friday which gave Keigo the hope of some feeling of relief, but all he had was tension in his throat and fear. He decided to take a different route since there were usually less people there. As he was walking with his head stuck to the ground and his bucket hat almost covering his whole face, he realized how empty the street was. There were no people and it seemed way too quiet. It did give him a sense of comfort though, but he started walking quickly just in case. Everything felt isolated and separate from him. He was getting calmer and calmer but soon someone pulled him.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Keigo groaned while turning his face to see who it was.

..

"He's my boyfriend." The person pulling Keigo said while looking at a girl standing in front of them, but he seemed weirdly calm. His hands were tightly wrapped around Keigo's tiny waist which made Keigo even more anxious. He was trying to get away from his strong grip, but it only led it to become stronger.

Keigo laughed, but the laugh was caught up in a cough. He wanted to laugh, but he was terrified. "Let me go." He tried to play it chill, but the fear in his voice was apparent.

The girl doubted them, obviously Junki just pulled some random ass stranger who was passing by through the corner of the building. "What the fuck are you playing, Junki? Let him go and talk to me."

Keigo's thoughts started blurring away and he accidentally started speaking his mind out loud. "Not the kiss.. Please no.."

"Fuck.." Keigo let out a quiet whisper as the man squeezed him so hard that it hurt him.

"Kiss... Kiss!" Junki suddenly released the tension in his arms but they still remained wrapped around the tall boy. At this point Keigo had already accepted what was bound to happen. He was so deep in his head that he couldn't even comprehend all the possible ways he could've escaped. Keigo slowly turned his head towards Junki with desperation in his eyes.

"Please don't.." Keigo whispered.

"I'm sorry." Junki whispered back as he looked into Keigo's eyes. 

"It's not like.." Keigo tried explaining to the girl, but his voice came out weak and almost inaudible. His sentence was then interrupted by a kiss on his lips. The sweet and soft lips that landed on his didn't remain there for long, but they were memorable enough for Keigo to lose all his thoughts even for one second. He felt tears appear in his eyes just a little after Junki pulled out of the kiss and let go of Keigo's body.

"Junki that's.. Disgusting. I should call the police. " The girl mumbled with disbelief written on her face.

"Please just leave me alone." Junki said. He looked at Keigo for a split second and quickly pushed him away from his hands. Keigo was left there standing. He kept avoiding eye contact but eventually glanced at the boy and just turned around and ran away. On his way home, he kept thinking about the kiss while tears were pouring out of his eyes. He didn't even realize that he was crying. He just went home as fast as he could and fell asleep.


	2. 2

Keigo had never had an interaction like that with another guy. He wasn't able to keep the promise he made to himself. He was terrified and disgusted. That vivid sensation of the moment he kissed Junki was still so strong it was driving him insane. He was doing all he could to forget, but no matter what happened, his mind always ended up on that specific thought. Those soft lips that gently touched his, the warmth that he felt, the taste..

Since Keigo went to bed in the afternoon, he kept waking up during the night. Slowly he started realizing that his heart was captured in the charm of that mysterious man. Just how crazy does he have to be to just kiss people like that? He was the complete opposite of Keigo whom would have trouble introducing himself to a girl he likes.

"What the fuck are you thinking?" Keigo was so frustrated with himself. He was laying on his bed in the dark room, trying to fall asleep but his thoughts were distracting him. Slowly, he started craving for more, his desire to forget slowly turned into desire to kiss Junki again. To feel his arms around his waist again, to feel his heartbeat, his breathing..

"Fuck." Keigo whispered at himself. His heart was beating so fast, his legs were shaking and his back was cold. He felt the blood rush through his body as goosebumps started appearing on his arms. He had never felt this sensation in his life before. He was curled up in his bed, with the sheet closely covering his body. He was freezing and he didn't understand why. He forced himself to fall asleep which eventually worked, but nothing much changed in the morning. He was still thinking about Junki and his signs of falling in love were even stronger.

It was time for Keigo to accept the fact that he indeed, did have a crush on Junki. Even if it was just physical attraction. A few days had already passed and it was already Wednesday when he decided to take that route again. He was so desperate to see that man again, but he was scared that he wouldn't be able to hold back. He walked through that empty street which kept bringing him that memory back. He was so confused and frustrated at himself for the fact that he ended up looking for Junki. He felt worthless, as if he betrayed himself. He couldn't understand anything that was happening in his mind. He just wanted to touch that man again. He however, didn't see him for a few days until it was Friday again. Just like the past two days, he took that route again.

Keigo wasn't a very sociable person. He had a few friends from work, but they never really cared about him and it was actually how Keigo would prefer it. He however was aware that it was affecting his mental health negatively. He had started meditating and astral projecting in order to cope with his loneliness. His everyday life was all the same. He felt isolated and indifferent. The only thing that made him feel alive was the memory of Junki's touch and scent.

While walking down the old familiar street, he felt someone walk behind him. His heartbeat was fastening as he slowly turned his head to see the person.

"Hey, I was looking for you. You dropped this last time we met." A man approached Keigo by pushing his shoulder. That sweet voice that he craved for.. He turned around and saw him. He finally saw him. He was so happy internally that he forgot what was going on around him. He was just staring at the small chunk of hair that was sticking out from Junki's hair. "Uh, are you okay? About last week, I'm sorry I just-"

"It's fine, it's okay." Keigo said as he went back to his senses. He looked down and saw Junki holding the little bunny keychain that Keigo didn't even notice he dropped. He reahed out to take it from Junki's hand causing his finger to slightly brush against the man's palm. "Thank.. you." Keigo mumbled under his nose, avoiding eye contact.

"You're welcome. Do you live around here? Or are you here for work? There aren't many people here usually." Junki asked while looking at the boy that was looking down.

"I live close to here." Keigo answered hesitantly.

Junki grabbed Keigo's chin and forced his face to turn his way to look into his eyes. "We should hang out sometime." He said while his expression changed from a serious, almost seductive expression, to a silly smile.

Keigo was going crazy. He sensed that Junki is the type to flirt around for no reason, but it still made him fall for him even more.

"Sure.." Keigo said after Junki let go of his face.

"Your number?" Junki said while reaching his phone out to Keigo. Keigo dialed his number and hung up. "You didn't just save it! You called yourself." Junki laughed as he took his phone back. He looked down and saw the name that was input for the number. "Keigo.. Nice to meet you, Keigo. I'm Junki."

"Nice to meet you too." Keigo said with his voice still being hesitant and weak. Sure he was shy, but being this nervous wasn't normal for him.

"If you are bothered by the kiss, I was just trying to get away from my ex.." Junki tried explaining because of how tense Keigo was, but he didn't know what he really was tense for.

"Forget it, it's in the past right? I hope I helped you anyways." Keigo's words were flowing without being filtered by his brain. He never thought he even cared, but apparently he did. He still wasn't fully aware of what was going on, but he was disgusted with himself. He kept asking himself why he was so fucked up, liking a guy that he doesn't even know.

"Well I'm in a hurry, so see you later?" Junki's voice interrupted Keigo's thoughts.

"Sure, take care-" Keigo tried closing his mouth shut but his words slipped. Fortunately, Junki just laughed as both of them separated.

Keigo went back home frustrated with himself, yet still excited that things had started moving. He never thought he would be in this kind of situation and it bothered him so much. He laid down and started astral projecting as soon as he got ready for bed. It was a usual session, but this time it felt more intense than usual, but calmer at the same time. He wandered around his most favorite places and started realizing that nothing felt the same. It was as if the feelings those places used to give him had started fading away. He didn't find as much enjoyment as he used to so he had to look around for new spots to chill in. Even in his pure form, he could still feel Junki. The connection he used to feel with himself while astral projecting felt weaker than before, but he found more balance within himself. He decided to go back and open his eyes. He was scared, but at the same time the session made him feel more alive as it was saturated with the sense of Junki's presence. Keigo closed his eyes and softly drifted into his dreams.


	3. 3

"I don't understand.. Junki.." Keigo's groans were muted by the shirt making its way up and it was soon no longer on his body.

"Just stay still for a second." The man was calm as he kept removing clothes from Keigo's body.

!!!

Keigo woke up hyperventilating. His sheets were wet from the sweat, his pillows were on the floor and his blanket was kicked away from his body. It took a while until it sunk in. He didn't know if he was terrified or excited. No, he knew the answer, he was just in denial. He kept thinking about all the possible situations that could arise to lead to that specific situation. He had given up on trying to stop his dreams from manifesting. He was more concerned about what would happen after it happens. Will they date? Will people find out? Or maybe he will be so overwhelmed with the sensations that he will pass out. While his thoughts were rushing through his head, his phone called. It was Junki, who else could it be?

"Good.. morning." Keigo said hesitantly.

"Are you free? Up for a drink?" Junki's voice was clear and confident in contrast to Keigo. Keigo knew that he could've declined, but he was so guilty for wanting to accept. He wanted to feel Junki's touch. He wanted to be intimate with him.

"Isn't it a bit early for that.." Keigo asked as he looked at the clock next to his night lamp. It was 4 A.M.

"Come on bro, I'm bored." Junki's voice was calm and almost monotone. It sounded lower through the phone than in real life. It kept unlocking more and more desire in Keigo's heart which eventually lead him to accept. He had nothing to lose anyways. His life was so boring that even losing it didn't seem like that big of a deal.

"Where do you want to meet?"

"Give me your address, I will give you a ride to my apartment."

Keigo texted his address to Junki and started getting ready. He felt so much guilt, but he couldn't stop himself. He was desperate to see Junki, to touch him, to kiss him again. Not long after, his phone called to signal that the man was waiting at the front. As Keigo went outside, he saw Junki resting his back on his car with a cigarette in his mouth. He looked serious and almost intimidating. Keigo was used to seeing him in silly situations, but he found this specific sight very fascinating. He approached him by poking his shoulder hesitantly.

"Oh, hey." Junki said smiling as he turned his head towards Keigo. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "Let's get going." 

Junki opened the door for Keigo to sit on the passenger seat. The boy was very nervous, he could hear his heart beat and his palms were sweaty. Junki got into the driver seat and buckled his belt which reminded Keigo to do the same. Keigo wasn't saying much the whole time they were travelling, he just answered Junki's questions with short answers. After they arrived, Junki lead Keigo to the living room. There were a lot of different alcohols under the table which Keigo found very concerning, but he was just so impatient to have his dream happen that he didn't pay much attention.

"Should we drink?" Junki asked as he pulled out a very expensive looking whiskey bottle. He filled two cups and gave one to Keigo. "Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

The men talked a lot. At first it was a bit awkward, but with every drop of the liquid that left the bottle, they started feeling more comfortable with each other. They opened up to each other to the point where they could feel some warmth. Maybe it was the alcohol. Keigo was unexpectedly talkative and Junki found it charming. Keigo wasn't really sure what was happening, but he wasn't completely drunk. He was still able to consciously control his actions and perceive what was going on, but he couldn't comprehend words. Junki was sitting next to Keigo on the couch.

"Keigo." Junki's voice broke the little silence that had filled the room for a few seconds.

"Junki.." Keigo barely answered, his eyes laid on the man's lips.

"Can I ask you something?" Junki asked as he got a bit closer to Keigo.

"Junki..."

Keigo seemed to be completely wasted, but the sudden movement of Junki pulling him closer got him a bit shaken.

"Keigo, I need a fuck buddy."

.. Those words brought Keigo back into consciousness. His eyes traveled from Junki's lips, all the way through his body. His hand reached out for Junki's face and pulled him on top of him. They looked at each other's eyes for a few seconds until they ended up kissing each other. The comfort that Keigo felt from feeling those sweet lips again was unreal. As their kiss deepened, Junki slowly started to work his way towards unbuttoning Keigo's shirt.

Keigo felt an extreme desire to stay with Junki forever. Their eyes were filled with lust as they were slowly emerging into one. Their voices were filling up the room in complete harmony. Junki was holding down Keigo's arms so that he was in complete control over the position they were in. He moved in such ways that would only please him, while Keigo did whatever he could to please Junki. The desperation and desire in his eyes were left unnoticed by the dominant man as he was only focused on himself. Keigo was in pain, but he thought it was worth it. He got to feel Junki in every way possible and it was enough for him. He thought at least.


	4. 4

After the first night, they started meeting like that more frequently. Keigo would stay awake at night, waiting for Junki's call. He had unhealthily fallen for him and it hurt him so much knowing that they can't go past the friends with benefits stage. His self hatred kept growing with every passing day and every passing night spent with the man he was so attracted to. He felt completely worthless especially after knowing about Junki's partner. He knew that what they were doing is wrong and ugly, but he couldn't control himself. He craved for those kisses he loved so much, he just wanted to be intimate with Junki and he didn't care about anything else. He threw away the trauma he had from his childhood which was the cause of his past homophobia, he threw away any morals or rational thinking he had left in him. He would give up on his life just to be close to Junki.

It has already been over a month since they started seeing each other almost every night. It felt empty whenever Keigo stayed at his own place. He felt a lack in his heart that could only be filled with Junki. 

It was a Friday night when Keigo was invited to Ruki's small party. He was wondering if he should go, but he thought that he may get drunk and distract himself from his pathetic reality. He wasn't really close with Ruki, but that was his only friend. He shared some of his concerns to him sometimes, but after that phone call, he never mentioned anything about the man from his dream or Junki. Ruki had automatically assumed that Keigo kissed a man and never said anything about it in order to forget it more easily, so he didn't bother asking. 

Keigo arrived a bit late to the party and most of the people were already drunk. They were sitting on cushions on the ground, drinking.

"Hey, Ruki. Sorry I'm kinda late.." Keigo said as he sat on an empty cushion. 

"It's fine, do you want a drink?" Ruki said as he reached out for a bottle of vodka that had rolled on the ground.

Keigo reached out to take it as the door opened. His head turned to see who it was instinctively. After he identified the mysterious person's face, he dropped the bottle causing it to shatter in pieces, leaving the liquid to spread on the floor. Nobody really seemed to notice, Junki included. Ruki just laughed and went back to talking with his friends. Was Junki pretending to not know Keigo? They were just friends with benefits after all.

"Junki's back y'all, who's next?" One of the guys that was laying on the ground asked as he looked at Keigo's direction and pointed. "Who is he by the way?"

"I'm Keigo." He said quietly. His eyes were moving towards Junki, trying desperately to see some kind of reaction from him, but he acted just as if he was meeting a stranger. What about all the times they kissed? What about all the love Keigo gave to Junki? It was his fault after all, they were just friends with benefits. Keigo's palms were cold and he had a slight headache. He started getting stuck in his own head again. The people around him were playing truth or dare, but he wasn't really there. He felt that isolation again. It was driving him insane, he was unable to feel anything but pain. His thoughts went darker and darker until hearing Junki's name caused him to snap out of it.

"Junki, how about you kiss Sho?" Ruki said laughing while taking another sip from his bottle.

Junki just laughed and was quick to pull the guy sitting next to him into a kiss. It was sloppy and nasty and the sight of it made something in Keigo break. His heart was aching and he found it difficult to hold back from jumping on top of Junki.

Junki's gaze passed through Keigo's direction for a split second and he noticed that something was off. He didn't know that Keigo felt like this for him. He had no idea how much damage he had caused him.

Keigo left his bottle on the floor and stood up. "I dare you to kiss me." His eyes were piercing through Junki. He was dead serious, but nobody really realized that. They were just laughing. Junki stood up and got closer to Keigo. The smirk on his face caused a knot to appear in Keigo's throat. The boy pulled Junki by his shirt and started kissing him. At this point he didn't care. He pushed him on the ground as they started making out. Tears were pouring out of Keigo's eyes which caused Junki to realize that Keigo didn't see him as just a friend. It was an unfortunate situation since Junki also had been suppressing some sort of feeling that he had for Keigo. They were just making out on the ground with Keigo on top. Junki never realized how attached he was to Keigo. And this time all of it felt like an act of love, not lust.

"What the fuck are they doing?" Ruki said laughing as he threw a bottle to their direction. It hit the back of Keigo's head. The bottle shattered in pieces which caused him to collapse directly. Alcohol was spreading on top of Junki and on the floor. His face was covered with Keigo's blood and saliva. The man pushed Keigo and backed away. Keigo was laying on the floor, looking into Junki's eyes. His face was red and wet from all the tears. The back of his head was bleeding, but the people who were looking towards Keigo's direction were unable to comprehend the situation. The panic started building up in Ruki who was sitting on the ground with his arms shaking and ears buzzing. He knew he did something wrong even if he couldn't understand what it was. Junki's shaky fingers were struggling to call 911, but they were soon interrupted by Keigo's hand that held down Junki's arm causing him to drop his phone. Junki looked at Keigo who was standing up in front of him with bruised face. The atmosphere was suffocating. The silence was heavy as Keigo turned around and left Ruki's place. His head was dizzy and he felt weak from all the blood he lost. His wounds were still bleeding, but he couldn't think rationally to go to the hospital. His only thoughts were about going home, so he got into his car and started driving. He couldn't see or hear anything. There wasn't even one sense in his body that was sober. Soon he fainted in his car causing it to crash.

Years later, that suffocating feeling of longing for Keigo never left Junki. Not even for a second. The only thing he had left from him were the memories. And the little bunny keychain Keigo dropped again in that party before he was buried.


End file.
